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Hi, this is Karan!
Today we’ll talk about how to overcome loneliness. But the first logical question to ask is why do we feel lonely? And I really like what the Bhagavad Gita has to say about the nature of the human condition in this context. It says that man’s soul cries for the infinite in a finite world. Hence, everything in the world of people and objects eventually will be incomplete because our soul is thirsting for something higher than that or for the infinite in this case. So in sense loneliness is the nature of the human condition. Some people verbalize it, the others don’t but that’s inherent to our experience of being a human is that we will feel this constant gnawing sense of incompleteness and that’s what is loneliness.
What are the Ways to Overcome that?
I have four steps for you and all of them fall into the same category around letting go of your sense of ‘I’ or sense of self. Or this constant speaking, a chattering mind which is even judging itself to be lonely and is wanting things. And choose experiences that help you let go of that sense of self.
What are those experiences?
The four experiences that I have for you today are,
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- I’ve spoken a lot about this so I won’t get into a detailed thesis about that. But meditation is perhaps your best antidote towards loneliness because with meditation you are deliberately trying to stop the constant, relentless chatter in your mind. You are stopping thinking about yourself as a person to just basically get a touch of the Infinite. So meditation is perhaps your best antidote to loneliness, so that’s kind of one.
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- I would say is relationships. And again relationships are special in this context because we’ve all experienced that often speaking to people is the time when you almost feel the most loneliest. So what is it about relationships that can help you overcome loneliness? And again that goes back to the same principle. If you are in a relationship in which you can let go of your sense of self then you will feel that glow of, being very complete in that moment. And this could be anything from being in a conversation with a stranger in which you are completely absorbed in that conversation and are completely engaged in it. You will feel that same sense of losing self or it could be with a loved one. Whether it’s your spouse or your parent or your sibling. Again in which you have no sense of wanting and comparison and judgment. And you are completely immersed in love for that person. Again you’ll feel that same sense of completely filling up and will not feel lonely. And this often happens to me when I’m with my wife for instance, and just you feel completely complete in that relationship. Because you are giving yourself completely to it and have no sense of self left or no sense of the kind of personal agenda left at all.
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- So meditation, relationships, if neither of these two works for you, work can actually be a great tool to overcome loneliness. But again this is a special kind of work in which you become just a medium for the work to express itself. So you’re so fully into that zone of working that you have no conscious thought of self left at all. For me, this happens often during my writing because when I am writing if I am very occupied by this idea that my work has to mean something in the world or has to mean something for my reader I often get into a zone in which I become just a medium for the words to express themselves and I have no sense of authorship left at all. So if there’s work that you are extremely passionate about and work that you feel is completely aligned to your nature then again you, doing that work, you’ll feel that complete suspension of self which will help you overcome loneliness. Now if neither meditation nor relationships nor work are available to you the fourth and final step is selfless service and this in India is often called Karma Yoga. Why Does Selfless Service help?
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- For that moment of giving that service, you lose your sense of self and you’re completely focused on delighting someone or offering something to someone and that kind of service, often rare, but when it happens will again lead you to a complete stoppage of loneliness. For me, this often happens when I’m teaching a meditation class to kids, for instance. Right, I have no agenda. I’m just teaching the best knowledge I can with the hope that it helps or empowers the child to feel better. Or to give them a stronger sense of direction. And that kind of feeling is without any selfishness attached to it. And that again helps you feel completely calm. So whatever that means to you, my only suggestion is to choose something consistent and something which is in line with your nature versus one charity event here, one soup kitchen there, cutting a check here. Do something in which you can completely immerse yourself it and forget yourself in that context. So those are my four steps to avoid loneliness.
First, understand that it’s part of the human condition, then either meditate or commit to a very deep relationship in which you don’t have yourself at its core. Or work or do selfless service.
I hope this was useful. If I can answer any other questions, please email me and I will do so next week. Until then, my very best.
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