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Hi, this is Karan Bajaj and today I’ll answer a question that many of you have asked me over email, both men and women. Should I stay in my existing relationship or should I leave it?
Now I’m not a marriage counselor or a relationship therapist by any means. So if you need professional advice I would say definitely go to the professionals. What I can speak from is my own experience of being with my wife Kerri, for about five years.
A relationship that has allowed me to express my true potential as a person. Something I’ve never had in my previous relationships before. So from that vantage point, if you are deciding today whether you should stay in your existing relationship or leave it.
The questions you must ask yourself is,
Does my partner build me up?
Does your partner build you up? ( Which means as a partner )
Do they respect you or do they tear you down?
So in simple words, I feel that the world is a very harsh place. In general, you’ll always get feedback from the world that you have to improve some part of yourself. That you’re not perfect as it stands whether it’s from your boss at work or your family or generally the society telling us that we need more to be complete. And if you have, like most people, a reasonably strong sense of self-critical behavior then this problem gets worse. In that scenario, if your partner adds to the chorus of voices in the world and makes you believe that you’re not adequate then that will never allow you to achieve your full dreams.
So I would say ask yourself this question, does my partner build me up? And if the answer is yes, that your partner helps identify things that you didn’t know about yourself. Or makes you think about your own self in a new light then yes you are in a very, very good relationship and you should stay. Now if you’ve answered the question and said that no my partner is negative and self-critical then before you leave I just want you to do one small thing, ask yourself a question. Are you someone who’s committed to learning and growing all the time? Are you someone whose whole life is centered around being the best possible person that you can possibly be yourselves? And you’ll know the answer to it. Is somebody who’s constantly reading to get better? Are you traveling a lot? Are always trying to seek new people who can help you get better? And if you’re a person like that then yes, you are committed to getting better. And if somebody is not supporting that goal then you’re fully within your right to leave that relationship and move out and you will never regret that choice. But if you aren’t fully committed to being the best possible version of yourself then I would say step back a little instead of blaming the relationship. Be the change that you want to be. And be the best possible person you want to be and then evaluate the relationship after you’ve done that.
I hope this was useful this was slightly outside my typical zone of answering questions. But as always if I can answer any thing at all or give any advice at all from my own perspective and experiences, I would love to.
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